Ladies and gentlemen, we present for your' delectation the Dust Jackets (Hiya). With a composition they present to you and dedicate to J.K. Rowling. Take it away Boys!

Thank you John. Now, I'm here with my man Phillip Truman (Yeah Yeah) and we're gonna tell you about something you all know about it (tell them about it man). We're talking about J.K. Rowling number one authoress on the planet (yeah I agree). The Queen of Quidditch! We love you!

You're a little like Tolkien with a lot more cleavage, a little less masonic and a lot more teenage.

I really like wizards, I really like school so I really like the way that you combined the two.

How about a book about Zombies at college skipping role-call to pour brains on their porridge?

What about a witch doing teacher-training? A soft-core story with a little bit of caning.

How about an exorcist at nursery school? Ordaining toilet training and playing the fool.

Do you ever get the feeling of Deja-vu?

Hey I think I had that during Harry Potter 2!

When I worked in Woolworths and I was selling chocolates I'd super-size the pick n' mix with "Chamber of Secrets"

When your' new books out I'll probably read it on the net because I don't pay for anything and that includes sex. Hit it!

J.K. R.O.W.L.I.N.G. You do What you do and it mystifies me.

H.O.G.W.A.R.T.S. You're showing the world how you handle success.

Now that you've spelled out your' deepest intentions I'd like to commend you on your' greatest inventions.

Let's start with Harry and his thunderbolt mark. Are you into Bowie? Or am I pissing in the dark?

He speaks to the snakes but that doesn't mean he's trippin' you hang out with all types when you're an orphan.

But he made lots of friends when he got into school. It wasn't his catchment but they said it was cool.

Ron and Hermione, he's ginger, she's tiny. They step in just in time to save Harry's heinie.

Dumbledore also keeps a close eye on it but he doesn't break the rules cos he'll get into shit.

What's all this jive about his top secret army?

Those fuckers are pumped like their mother-fucking Arnie!

Didn't you catch him in the YMCA?

Yeah he was recruiting but that doesn't mean he's gay.


J.K. R.O.W.L.I.N.G. You do What you do and it mystifies me.

H.O.G.W.A.R.T.S. You're showing the world how you handle success.


There is a rumour on the net you've had a nip and a tuck.

But they're just player haters and I don't give a fuck.

I guess you got to do what you do to survive.

And at least you won't be sagging at a hundred and five.

What comes next now it's all run it's course and Harry got his cock out in a play about a horse?

You killed Richard Harris but I'm sure he was proud at least they cast someone who was better endowed.

She's a Serpentine Queen with her Gordon Brown Dreams her quasi mystic magic reeks of evil extreme.

She just writes books that's as far as it goes. I sense no agenda in her mystical prose.

But I've done research on conspiracy forums!

Ah that's just a soapbox for crackheads and morons!

But what about the clues that she spreads through her books?

She's not Dan Brown, you mother fucking kooks!


J.K. R.O.W.L.I.N.G. (L.I.N.G!) You do What you do and it mystifies me. (Mystifies me!)

H.O.G.W.A.R.T.S. (A.R.T.S.) You're showing the world how you handle success.

J.K. R.O.W.L.I.N.G. (L.I.N.G!) You do What you do and it mystifies me. (Mystifies me!)

H.O.G.W.A.R.T.S. (A.R.T.S.) You're showing the world how you handle success.

J.K. R.O.W.L.I.N.G. (L.I.N.G!) You do What you do and it mystifies me. (Mystifies me!)

H.O.G.W.A.R.T.S. (A.R.T.S.) You're showing the world how you handle success.